Terror.
Let me get real with you guys for a moment: I've had a tough week. I'm tired. Jet lag is still upon me. I've been homesick a little bit, and even though I absolutely love this school, this country, and the incredible people I've met, I've been off all week. Part of it is homesickness--I really miss my little work babies!--but part of it has to do with that "t" word that makes everyone cringe:
Terror.
Four days after my arrival, a tower of apartment buildings in London caught fire and was burning for an entire 24 hours, killing at least 30 people. A couple of days later, there was a terrorist who drove a van into Muslims leaving a mosque in London around midnight, saying "I want to kill Muslims." The other day, I got word that there was a suicide bomber in Brussels who'd set off an explosion where my friend and her mom had passed through only an hour before.
But the bad news doesn't stop there.
In America, a seventeen year old Muslim girl was found dead after being kidnapped leaving a mosque. On my campus in Illinois, an international student has gone missing, and the entire community is devastated as the FBI works to find her. I can't scroll down my timeline without being horrified by the dash-cam footage of Philando Castile's murder, his killer's unjust verdict of not guilty, and the heart-wrenching footage of his fiancee getting arrested while their 4-year-old daughter cries and fears for her mother's life after witnessing the death of her father.
Terror is everywhere--it always is, but this week, it's been especially inescapable, and it's been suffocating me. It rips at my very core when I see people trying to make excuses for a man being killed in front of his family. It makes me sick when I listen to interviews of families who'd been trapped in burning buildings talk of how they'd considered suicide to get away from the smoke and flames. This week, I've been overwhelmed by the evil, the hate, the injustice I've been seeing. Don't take this for naivety--I know these evils exist, even when they're not at the top of my news page, or plastered on every one of my social media platforms. I know that even when my news feed is nothing but cute goat videos and inspirational quotes that there is still evil happening even within my own town. However, when you pile all of these horrific events on top of each other, added to the emotions and stress of moving to a new country for a couple of months without knowing a single person, school work, medical issues--it's got me bogged down to the point where I can barely pick up my feet to shuffle outside.
However, terror in the world does not mean terror within me.
I will not let the bad stop me from experiencing the good. I won't let my guard down, start to act a fool and lose my common sense--but I won't let the terror win. It will not control my steps. It does not control my steps. The time it's been taking to process all that's been going on has taken its toll on me and left me utterly bewildered, but that's what coffee's for, right? Have a cup (maybe two) and then tackle what's in front of you--that's what they put on those decorative pillows and wall plaques, right?
I'll leave you with this: drink coffee. Or tea. Or even a hot chocolate. Don't let terror win you over. Don't bury your head in the sand--life goes on around you whether you're watching or not. Educate yourself on why what's going on is going on. Take up a hobby. Explore the arts. Give a mouse a cookie. Give a pig a pancake. Tell your goldfish how much they mean to you. Find the humor in the little things. Don't hate me for getting a little preachy at the end of this horribly sad post.
And stay tuned for more blogs, pictures and videos on my study abroad program.
Thanks for tunin' in! Until next time,
Reina M
