Mind on Mine

I've been intentionally and purposefully at work on an upcoming novel of mine with one goal in mind--to make it my most powerful and raw work yet. I've started and stopped its production several times over the past six months or so. I've renamed characters, redone chapters, and reread sections with my focus on how I can accomplish my goal, and so far, I am very pleased with the progress I've made. All of my novels touch on very real topics that very real people deal with daily: depression, broken families, injustices, drug use and abuse--but there's something different with my writing now.

My first two novels, Stepping Out of Line and Sweet Escape were both written either in their entirety while I was in high school, or mostly while I was in high school. There were experiences I hadn't had yet, problems I hadn't yet encountered, struggles I hadn't yet faced. A part of me is convinced that I must be psychic because there are some topics touched on in these novels that were described with such accuracy and written so tastefully for a teenager who had either no or very limited knowledge on them that it's incredulous. Still, the older and wiser me has now come into contact with many of the struggles I'd tried to effectively portray in my earlier works to either confirm that my previous ideas of a topic were accurate--or show me a side of the struggle that I'd never known.

Take insomnia for example.

The video above was the first taste of Insomnia I'd ever had about three or four years ago. Several months later, I developed a sort of insomnia myself. It didn't look exactly like this video, but it was miserable nonetheless. I would go a week on maybe ten or twelve hours of sleep total all while working and going to class. This month is the first time in about two and a half months that I've been able to sleep through the night and get more than three or four hours of restless or interrupted sleep a night. With two jobs, 17 hours of classes, writing and photography on the side, you can only imagine that for about two months, I was so close to my breaking point.

Lack of sleep started to heavily effect my state of mind, which I touched on in my Stream of Consciousness titled Purity that was published on this blog in March. I wasn't writing much because my body was too exhausted. I wasn't focused because I didn't have the mental capacity after having only slept for a handful of hours, and all I could think about was the next moment I'd get to close my eyelids--either that, or become tearfully frustrated about the next moment I'd get to close my eyes because I knew sleep wouldn't come even once I was able to climb into bed at my bedtime.

Now that I've made it to the other side of this bad bought of sleepless nights, I'm channeling every emotion, every tear and using them as fuel for my latest novel; which is highly focused on the mind, the tricks and games it plays on us, and how it can drive us to become our own worst enemy. It is dedicated to those who have to try to fight against their inner workings day in and day out, and have to deal with the repercussions of an overworked, extremely exhausted, always active, mind. It will put into words the inner and outer struggle of someone who has lost everything and still manages to press on despite her own state of mind. It is pushing me to connect with my own inner struggles, pull them out and put them down on paper in a way that will resonate with others. Hopefully, when it's all said and done, it will move you--and when I say move you, I mean set you in motion and drive you to empathize with your neighbor who can't always get out of bed to live her life day after day; drive you to reach out and touch a hurting soul; leave a lasting mark on you and give you a look into the harsh realities of mental illness; and possibly even be the first novel I get to submit to a publishing agency.

There are other stories, shorter novels, children's books and works that I've got going on, but this is going to be my next baby that I put my blood, sweat, tears, heart and soul into, and I hope you're excited about it as I am! While there is no set date for this to be released, I will keep you hungry for more with sneak peeks and updates along the way!

Love and light,

Reina M