Strong, If Not Happy
Mornings around the breakfast table are one of my favorite times of the day. It's when I sit down with my little students, have them guess if I'm drinking tea or coffee, and chat with them about what's going on in their lives: what they did over the weekend, what they want to do today, about movies they may have seen, their favorite foods (marshmallows, apparently, is one of them).
"Reina, I'm happy!" one of them told me a few days ago. I told him I was glad they were happy, but another student replied, "I'm not happy." To this, I raised my eyebrows and asked him how he was feeling if he wasn't happy. His answer?
Strong.
This struck me. Granted, the little boy is just shy of three years old, and considering most of my students love super heroes, he was probably talking about super hero or Ninja Turtle strength. But he's right! To feel strong, even if not happy, is how we have hope for a better tomorrow, for change, for newness. I might not be happy if my roommate eats my whole container of food, but I am strong enough to make it until tomorrow, when I can make another pot of pasta. In a certain moment in time, you may not be happy, but you are strong enough to carry on to happiness.
At this moment in time, I am not particularly happy. I am overwhelmed. There is a lot going on in my life at this moment in time, and there are so many days where I'm not happy. There are many days where I go around wondering how I'm going to jump from one meeting to the next, study for three tests over the span of two days, work on graduate school applications, search for jobs and scholarships--plus, throw in unexpected twists and turns of events--and that's just the beginning. I don't feel like I can do it all. I don't even feel like I can do half of it. I feel anxious, tired, exhausted and...did I mention tired?
But I'm not weak.
I'm strong enough to ask for help when I need it. I'm strong enough to admit I'm wrong if I make mistakes. I am strong enough to wait for an email back from my professor, even if they takes two days longer than I'd hoped. I am strong enough to get up at 6am to go see my work babies, even if I didn't get to bed until midnight the night before.
And why wouldn't I be? After all, those chats at breakfast are the best part of my day.
Love and light,
Reina M
