3 Lies I Tell Myself on a Daily Basis and 3 Truths I Use to Combat Them
LIE: You're Ugly
I've thought this for as long as I can remember. I've written sappy Facebook posts about it, and even touched on it in this blog. Not to gain sympathy, but to be honest. We spend a lot of time trying to look like we've got it all together when we don't, and that's just not necessary--plus, it's exhausting! And my truth is that when I have acne, I feel ugly. When I think about how I don't look the same as how I did in high school, I feel ugly. When my hair doesn't do what I want it to do, I feel ugly.
But the truth of the matter is that I am my worst critic. A couple of days with a pimple will not make or break inner beauty. I'm beginning to realize that if I feel ugly, I can better myself from the inside out. Though I don't see it every day, my truth is that pretty is as pretty does, and I do my best do "do pretty" everyday.
LIE: You're Insufficient
Sometimes I overhear classmates talking about their 3.5 and 3.6 GPAs and that they have a 90% in the class while I'm pulling a 3.1 and have an 83% in the course. Some days I don't get to finish every activity I had planned for my class, and end up feeling as though I haven't taught my students enough, and that we've spent too much of the morning on trivial interactions that don't mean much. There's so many chances in a day to feel like you're not good enough, that you won't reach that top level where you want to be, that you won't accomplish what you want to because of a test score or a stressful morning.
The truth is that you will be enough and you will do enough where and when it matters most. I might feel like I've done everything completely wrong in my classroom one morning, and still have my students say, "I love you, Miss Reina!" and "Please don't leave!" when it's time for me to go to class for the day. One test may not reflect my scholarly abilities, but I'll still end up passing the class (I'm both speaking from past experience and speaking into existence what I want to happen this semester...can I get an amen? Please...? Physics is hard, I could really use an amen).
LIE: You Don't Matter--Just Ask Society
Of course we shouldn't take everything on social media to heart, but as a Black woman in America, it cuts to the core to see so many people apathetic to the situations other Black men and women are facing. People who could be my father or uncle. People who could be my mother or sister. People who could be me. It's a little less bothersome when the comments come from strangers--but what about when they come from people you've known since you were a kid? People who sat next to you in class? People you've shared meals, conversations, glue sticks with? I'll be totally honest: it makes me think, "so then, what would you think if I did that? What would you do if I went to a rally or tried to make a change to the laws? What would you think if I were the one who was shot and killed by a police officer? Would you make the same comments and assumptions about me? Would you still have no desire to change the status quo?" Seeing certain comments from people I've known tells me, "I know you, I see your situation, and it doesn't matter to me. You don't matter to me."
But my truth is that my value doesn't change when others can't see it, or when others make statements without understanding its magnitude on others. I've said things that've hurt or helped in ways I didn't understand until after the fact, so I have patience to a degree when others do the same. As for the first part of that statement? Well, it was on some inspirational quote on Facebook somewhere, so it must be true, right?
Love and light,
Reina M
