Satisfaction in Solitude
When I was a kid, my elementary school backed up to my house, and my mom would sometimes check out the window during recess to see if she could see me. Much to her horror, she would look out and sometimes see me off to myself, not playing with the other kids. But when she'd ask me why I hadn't been playing with the other kids, I would tell her that I was writing.
Even as a child, I was able to find great satisfaction in solitude. I was fine if I was by myself. This has carried over to my adulthood as well. I like to be in my own company. I am fine with sitting on the couch and reading a book, working on some watercolour paintings, or what have you. Public transportation is enjoyable to me because you can sit down, space out, and have time to yourself, even if everything around you is in motion. Solitude gives you time to reflect, to be still, to get to know yourself better. It fosters independence and growth. I can live on my own, make decisions on my own, thrive on my own, and travel on my own.
As I got older, I became more aware of the "pack mentality." This can be defined as gravitating towards a specific group of people, and then going on to do absolutely everything with these people from there on out--especially when put in new situations or new places with no familiar faces. Don't get me wrong; there's nothing wrong with having a friend group, or going out and doing things as part of a group. The problem arises when you don't have the courage, are very reluctant to, or don't go out and do anything on your own without your "pack." I've seen this "pack mentality" go so far where young people can't make any major decisions without the input or guidance of another person or persons; become overwhelmed and overly stressed with new experiences and situations; or don't go about leaving their comfort zones.
I've found that there are three things that have helped me become more independent and comfortable with being with myself:
1. Traveling Solo // The first time I truly took a trip alone was when I went to Argentina by myself, and the second was when I went to Belgium and The Netherlands for a weekend alone. Before I went to Argentina, I hardly told anybody where I was going just to avoid questions.
Going to Belgium was another story. Everyone was showering me with "be careful!" and "you're going alone?!" and "aren't you going to get lonely?" It was sweet that friends and family were concerned for my well-being, but the reactions are so incredibly different when you say you're going alone versus with a group of friends. While in Belgium, I happened to meet a French journalist and a Taiwanese farmer and English teacher--all three of us traveling alone, all who had gotten similar responses when they told friends and family where they were going, all three of us baffled by the seemingly over-the-top concern.
Traveling alone allows for you to do absolutely one hundred percent of what you want to do. For me, it gives me time to write or draw. It's rather freeing, and gives you a sense of accomplishment. My word of advice would be to first travel somewhere where you're somewhat comfortable before going somewhere you may not know anybody, or the language spoken--for instance, I went to Argentina because I knew a friend there, and I knew the language. Belgium, I knew no one, nor the language, but that wasn't the very first solo travel experience I'd had, which was why I had the gall to go.
2. Living Solo // It's always nice to have a roommate. Someone to help pay the bills, someone to
talk to when you come home from work. However, living alone gives you the freedom to run your place how you want it run. If you want to blast music, you can. If you want to let dishes pile up for three weeks, you can--but if you want to a sink that's never full, you can do that, too. The summer after my freshman year in college, I lived alone and on my own dime. It was one of my most difficult summers at the time, but it was the most rewarding as well. I learned how to budget, how to pay bills, and spent a lot of time exploring my new town.
3. Going Out to Eat Alone // I'm actually writing this after going out for brunch by myself. I had to run into town for an errand, and stopped at a restaurant on the way back (followed by the mall...so sorry, wallet, but it had to happen). While I was at the restaurant, I was able to do some proof-reading and reviewing for some friends, check my email and my bank accounts, plan out some blog posts for the next month, and lesson plan for a tutoring session this afternoon--all in maybe an hour and a half over some coffee, pancakes and really good throwback music. I don't do it every single day, or even every single week, but it's surprising how much you can get accomplished when you leave the house and work in a different space with food involved.
It's important to be able to make do by yourself. Your entire life shouldn't depend on or be in terms someone else--emphasis on the word entire. Like I mentioned above, there's nothing wrong with doing things in groups, asking for help from loved ones, or working together with family members. But some sense of individuality and self is something that shouldn't be lost because at the end of the day, it's gonna be just me, myself and I that I see in the mirror; and I want to be sure that even if there's no one else around, I can still handle what needs to get done.
Love and light,
Reina M
