No Holly Jolly in the Holidays
For the past couple of years, the holidays and I have had a love-hate relationship. I've mentioned in posts past that I have PTSD, which likes to rear its ugly head at the worst times--sometimes, that happens to fall around the holidays, especially Thanksgiving and Christmas.
I love spending time with my family, especially family that I don't get to see regularly if they live several states away, or since I don't get to go home to family functions or events very often. But until very recently, none of them knew that I had anything going on with me. For a semester, I took time off of school, and the only ones who knew were some friends, and my immediate family, but aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents had no idea.
Going home was rough because I would've either been faced with telling a truth that I wasn't fully grasping yet--that I was not doing alright, and that I'd been riding the struggle bus for months--or I'd be faced with lying: "yes, I'm fine. My classes are going great! Yeah, I'm having a wonderful time this year." Plus, what if I had a flashback, or a panic attack right in the middle of Christmas dinner, or cutting the Thanksgiving turkey, and had to disappear off? How would I explain myself? What if I didn't want to explain myself? What was I to do? I suppose the other choice would've been to distance myself completely by simply not returning home, but that choice was undesirable as well.
Invisible illness is difficult to cope with because people can't always see or understand your symptoms. Those who have depression are told just to "be happy," or to "fake it until they make it" as though what they are fighting through isn't real or painful. Invisible illness can feel like you're being consumed slowly from the inside out, and the rest of the world has no idea. People may think you're overreacting, that you should be over whatever is causing your pain by now, that you're pretending just to get attention, that you're just being emotional, that you're just being a teenager or that this is just how young adults act when they can't adjust and grow up. The list of accusations goes on, but none of these accusations or assumptions solves the problem of an invisible illness. I don't claim to be a counselor, a psychiatrist, a psychologist, or anything of the sort, but I can speak from experience, and can give you a couple of suggestions just in case you encounter a family member or a friend with an invisible illness this holiday season:
1. DON'T PUSH // If your loved one doesn't want to talk about it, they won't--so don't force them to. Often times, invisible illnesses are painful and difficult to speak on, and sometimes they're even confusing. Your loved one may not be able to clearly explain why they are experiencing what they are. Keep to the bare minimum when it comes to questions, or simply offer your listening ear if they need you.
2. DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY // Just like you'd need to lie down and rest if you had a bad case of the flu, those with invisible illness often times just need time to themselves. I know I do. If your loved one is showing more interest in staying in bed or being on their own, it's not because they all of a sudden love you less, or don't love you at all. Even if your loved one lashes out at you in a manner that is uncharacteristic of them, keep in mind that they may be in crisis. Try not take it to heart; they need their time to recuperate.
3. LISTEN // If your loved one does feel the need to talk to you about something, the best thing you can do is listen. Unwarranted or "fluff" advice does absolutely nothing. Telling them things like "just be happy, and you'll start to feel better" is the equivalent of going to someone with the flu and saying, "just get well!" It doesn't work like that. Other statements like "everything's going to be okay," "you're lucky things weren't worse," as well as shaming them and blaming their state on themselves ("well, that wouldn't have happened if..." or "you wouldn't feel like this if you'd just...") will be hurtful rather than helpful.
The following links below will provide a little more professional advice than I can give. Hopefully, this will be helpful to you or a loved one this holiday season.
How to Help Someone with PTSD:
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/ptsd-trauma/ptsd-in-the-family.htm
How to Help Someone with Depression:
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/helping-a-depressed-person.htm
Helping Someone with Depression or Anxiety:
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/supporting-someone/supporting-someone-with-depression-or-anxiety
Stress, Depression, and the Holidays: Tips for Coping:
http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress/art-20047544
11 Tips for Avoiding Holiday Depression Triggers:
http://www.health.com/health/gallery/0,,20550695,00.html
Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas,
Reina
